17.09.12

How I feel before my pitch

I must say I'm feeling quite excited about my pitch, as well as nervous, scared and daunted. So more negatives than positives, but hey, it's been a while since I've anticipated something so much. I've written my pitch and to me it sounds really plastic and fake but that's how I honestly feel and I don't know how else to put it. I did think about singing it but then I'm sure no one wants to hear me sing. I definitely wouldn't get the role. Sometimes I get thoughts in the back of my mind telling me that I'm selling out. That I should have gone for Director instead. It's like a part of me, the ambitious part, is insulting me for being too scared to go for what I actually want. But I don't listen to that because I really want to be a First AD and I'm sticking to that decision. I've already changed my mind and I'm not doing it again. 

Just before entering the room I felt really nauseas. A voice in my head kept telling me that I would end up as clapper or caterer. But hey, at least with those roles I get to be on constantly. And that's exactly where I want to be - where the action is. 

After the Pitch

So I think my pitch went ok. There was a lot of pressure. I panicked every time Chris went to write something down. Ended up going off track a bit but think I pulled it together in the end. Thank God I know how to speak properly. I was told it was 'articulate' wasn't sure if I should have taken that as a compliment or a criticism. Of course I feel relived, I'm glad it's finally over, but now it's another waiting game to see if I get First AD for the pitching films. I've gone over the pitch so many times in my head trying to think of how I could have made it better. This is still a problem I have - over thinking. It's really not good for my health, but I can't seem to help myself. I'm always trying to perfect things, even when it's over and done. I need to stop striving for perfection, because sometimes it's not about the result but rather the process. 

RESULT

I can't believe I got the role for the pitch films. I saw the list, read my name, then ran downstairs to tell Santa who hadn't seen it yet. After realising we had both gotten what we wanted we started dancing around in ours rooms. Yes it's not for the actual feature but I feel like I'm in a race and I was first to jump over the last hurdle so now I have the best chance of winning. Cheesy I know, but I got a ridiculously huge confidence boost reading my name. Because at least I've been given the opportunity to show what I can do and boy am I ready to show it. This is exactly what I've been waiting for, a chance to put everything I have into something and await the outcome. And if the outcome is good and positive, then I can breathe a sigh of relief and be satisfied knowing that I haven't wasted the last year of my life. It's strange that I think like this, because I learnt so much about myself during the first year of the course so it can't have been a waste. But in the back of my mind I always kept thinking that maybe Film Production wasn't for me. To me this isn't just about doing well, it's about rediscovering a part of myself I thought I had lost a long time ago. A chance to finally stop doubting myself and be confident about my ability to achieve something great.

First Steps

The first thing I did after discovering that I had been chosen as a First Ad for pitch film was create a facebook group for everyone in our CineCitta Production team. (researched Cinecita - discovered it's a real Italian production company). Facebook is the easiest form of contact for most people. It's free and you can use it as long as there's internet around. Everyone joined the group within a day and we starting discussing ideas straight away. The next thing I did was set up a Production meeting for the next Monday the 24th after finding out everyone's availability. I then booked a study room in the library for us so we could have some peace and quiet while working.